How Toltec Wisdom Helps Me Find Peace As A Mom

How Toltec Wisdom Helps Me Find Peace As A Mom

I've taken a little hiatus lately. There's been a lot of client work and toddler with an ear infection. Plus, I do try to practice what I preach around prioritizing self care, which I've seemed to need more of recently. Honestly, I wasn't sure when I'd start writing here again or what I'd write about. Of course, it was sitting right under my nose. 

Last Sunday, Phi and I both woke up ready to chill in my bed for a few more hours. The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by Don Miguel Ruiz had been sitting on my nightstand ever since I read about 30 pages in the bath a few weeks earlier. I picked it up and was finished with the whole thing before the sun went down. 

That's part of the beauty of books by Don Miguel Ruiz: they're accessible. With a few hours and a little focus, it's easy enough to get through one of his books in just a day. The remainder of the beauty lies in the simplicity and power of his ideas, which reaffirm that each of us is a powerful creator. As he puts it, "every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art."

When I decided to read this particular title by Ruiz, I was actually hoping that it would give me some insights on how to make romantic love work, because I definitely don't have that all figured out. Instead, I found wisdom that felt more applicable to all relationships, including my relationship with myself and my relationship with Phi. 

We are born with our frequency tuned to love

I won't spoil the beautiful analogies Ruiz uses, but he opens the book by pushing forth the idea that we come into the world to love. Not long into our journeys here, we're hurt. Often, we're hurt by our parents, who scold us. We learn fear from our parents. By Ruiz's estimation, this happens around age 2 or 3. 

WHOA. I'm the mom of a going-on-three year old! Am I screwing up like this? Of course I am. Reading the book didn't cure me of it. 

Earlier tonight, Phi kept trying to hug me as I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. She was running around screaming "I give hugs!" and I was like, please schedule your love for a different time because right now cleaning the kitchen is more important than loving you, the most important person in my life. For me, this happens in other ways–in my relationship with her and my relationships with other people–all the time. We forget that we're here to love, and we end up teaching our kids the same thing.

Love means relinquishing control

Knowing this, we can try harder to love better but ultimately, we won't be able to totally protect our children from the opposite of love: fear.

When I look back on my own mistakes, it's so easy to see that they came from fear. My own fears around not being enough have taken me into dark places. As a mother and a human being I'm inclined to project my experiences onto Phi, trying to prevent her from experiencing the pain I felt by trying to solve for it ahead of time. Of course, I can't. I can't stop the world from teaching her its lessons any more than my mother could have prevented me from learning in my own way. What I can do is love her and hope that she knows she can always come back to love, even if fear takes her in a difficult direction.

Relinquishing control is one of the most loving things we can do. In recognizing that we can't control another person's story, we respect them and their journey. We demonstrate trust in them and in the universe, knowing that the lessons fear teaches us will only bring us closer to love in the end. 

We can be awake within the dream

As a mom, the idea that my daughter won't be screaming "I give hugs!" every day of her life does make me sad. I want to cry as I type this, but I have to admit that she will have experience with sadness, anger, and many of the other bad feelings stemming from fear-based thoughts, actions, and words. Sooner or later, she'll lose her innocence.

The truth is, that's not a bad thing. It's impossible to be both innocent and wise, and of the two I'd prefer wisdom. Wisdom is a return to love. Unlike innocence, wisdom can't be taken away because it already knows about fear and knows how to move back it, back to love. 

Don Miguel Ruiz's best-known work, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom outlines four guidelines to live a more joyful, loving life. 

If you've never read Don Miguel Ruiz's books, I can't recommend them highly enough. The takeaways above are just a tiny fraction of what I found in The Mastery of Love, and his other titles are literally all worth reading. I am not affiliated with the author in any way and this post doesn't include affiliate links. 

Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.
— Don Miguel Ruiz

Relinquishing control is one of the most loving things we can do. In recognizing that we can't control another person's story, we respect them and their journey. We demonstrate trust in them and in the universe, knowing that the lessons fear teaches us will only bring us closer to love in the end. 

We can be awake within the dream

As a mom, the idea that my daughter won't be screaming "I give hugs!" every day of her life does make me sad. I want to cry as I type this, but I have to admit that she will have experience with sadness, anger, and many of the other bad feelings stemming from fear-based thoughts, actions, and words. Sooner or later, she'll lose her innocence.

The truth is, that's not a bad thing. It's impossible to be both innocent and wise, and of the two I'd prefer wisdom. Wisdom is a return to love. Unlike innocence, wisdom can't be taken away because it already knows about fear and knows how to move back it, back to love. 

Don Miguel Ruiz's best-known work, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom outlines four guidelines to live a more joyful, loving life. 

If you've never read Don Miguel Ruiz's books, I can't recommend them highly enough. The takeaways above are just a tiny fraction of what I found in The Mastery of Love, and his other titles are literally all worth reading. I am not affiliated with the author in any way and this post doesn't include affiliate links. 

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